The popularity of “self-care” has skyrocketed in recent years and in this episode, I share how self-care isn’t always about spending money.
Sometimes it’s about stacking it.
Listen To The Audio
Read The Transcript
What's up? What's up? What's up teammates, Michael from women to work here and this is money talk Monday number 35. This week, I want to share how stacking cash can be a form of self care. I do want to warn you that I talk a lot about domestic violence very early in this episode. And so if that's triggering for you in any way, I completely understand if you have to sit this one out or just skip forward to some of the lighter parts, I totally get it. But for the rest of you. Let's talk about it. My mother was in toxic, abusive relationships until I was in the sixth grade. And wait, let me be clear my mother was a victim of domestic violence. Until I was in the sixth grade. And as I record this, I can remember three very distinct instances where my mother was abused. And I can see them like so clearly in my mind. The first happened when I was maybe four years old, I can close my eyes and still see my mother being trucked up a flight of stairs, yelling for me to grab the phone and call 911. And I grabbed the phone, and I can remember being told to put the phone down or I'd be next. And so I did. The second time was, I think the worst time we were at a family function. And I watched my sister's father who same guy from the first time get just crazy drunk. And I knew he was violent when it got to that point. And so I knew What would happen once we got home and I believe I was in the fourth grade this time. And on that particular night he got so violent, and ultimately ended up pulling out a gun. And thankfully we are live to see the next day. The final time was with a new guy after my mom left that relationship. And for this one, I was in the sixth grade. And we were sitting on the couch watching a movie, when my younger sister who has always been a mama's girl, like even to this day, she came and sat between my mom and this guy. And I remember him just like flipping out completely and starting this whole scene, because he said, my mom, baby her, and it turned into this huge crazy fight in it ended with my uncle showing up somehow and just like be the crap out of this guy. And like that was the end of that. And so these are three completely different experiences. But there's a common thread between all of them every single time, these three instances and the others in between, every single time I witnessed domestic violence in my household, I wondered why we didn't just leave town and start over without these guys. I mean, I'm from a small town, so I knew if we just moved down the street like, obviously, that wasn't as much protection as or distances I would have liked. But I always wondered like, why can't we just like leave town? Why can't we skip town? And I don't want to get into all the reasons. people stay in abusive relationships because I'm not an expert on that. However, in my own personal experience, I know that financial constraints will A huge part of the reason why. Now the term self care has really exploded in popularity lately. And honestly, I'm glad that people are finding ways to relieve stress, do things they love and all of that good stuff. But as with everything good in America, marketing departments at these major corporations have turned the term into a way to increase sales. Now, I'm trying to be careful here because I don't want you to feel any guilt or shame for purchases that you've made. Or and I don't want to discount the the positive effect certain purchases can have on your overall well being. That's really not what I'm trying to do here. I only said that because I want you to be mindful of that fact so that you don't get played by some Corporation. But as I was saying, I love that self care has become this trend and I really hope it continues. My hope is that as you engage in In your version of self care, that you're treating the actual problem, and not just the symptom of the problem. Here's what I mean. Let me give you an example. So your job is super stressful. And you don't particularly enjoy it. So, a few times a week, you and your coworkers head to happy hour to relieve some stress. You take some photos, you hashtag it self care. After a long week, Monday through Friday, eight to five, you feel exhausted, overwhelmed or maybe even frustrated. So you find something else to spend money on to make you feel better in the name of self care. Now if this is you, and I asked you what the problem is, you'd probably tell me that you're stressed about work and that shopping or going to the salon or hitting the spa or whatever it is. To relieve the stress. And that's good. I like that. I just want you to be mindful of the fact that the stress isn't the real problem. It's the symptom. And in this case, only treating the symptom makes the real problem, which would be your job even worse. Because the more money you spend, and the less you save, the longer you're going to be trapped at that job, or one just like it. So the premise of this episode comes in, because the question that you have to ask yourself is, what if you had enough money stacked up, that you didn't have to tolerate unhealthy and toxic work environments? Like how different could my childhood have been if my mom didn't feel financially trapped into abusive relationships? Who knows the answer to that question, right, but at least the option to escape without that feature would have been there. And it's situations like these that caused me to believe that stalking cash is one of the ultimate forms of self care, especially in a capitalist society. So money gives you options. And as this coronavirus pandemic rages on, especially here in Texas, this has never become more clear to me. Like, as I mentioned a few episodes back. Like because of the financial position that we're in, I don't have to subject myself to certain things in corporate America for a while I can take my time, build my businesses, build my brands, and increase my cash flow. Whereas if I didn't have this nest egg of cash, I would be in a different position. I'd be looking to go back into the workforce, I wouldn't be spending as much time as I am promoting the podcast and building up other revenue streams and all of those things. So now you may be wondering how you can start to practice financial self care. And to be honest, I think the first step is really creating awareness around where you're starting from. It's sitting down and calculating your net worth. It's doing things like tracking your spending so you can have a good understanding of your spending habits. It's being aware of the debt you have and the effect that all of that debt has on your life. And then committing yourself to not taking on any more debt and making the problem worse. And I don't want you to do this in a way to where you're looking at your spending habits and you're feeling guilty or you're feeling shameful about your past choices, because that's not helpful either. What I want you to do is do this in a way that gives you clarity, so that you can begin to walk forward into a better future. And so once you're clear on where you are, then you can set a plan to get to where you want to go. And there are many Were the financial destinations to focus on in the early days, like paying a little bit extra towards your debt every month, saving up a small emergency fund like three months of expenses. Or maybe it's just a general net worth goal for you. But it's important to be clear on where you're starting from and where you're going. Because that level of clarity in terms of your vision is going to bring even more clarity as you begin to prioritize the steps you need to take to move from where you are towards your goals. And remember, as you move towards these goals you're setting it's important to reward yourself along the journey. And as you know, I'm a huge believer in the power of communities. So find like minded people that are also working to improve their finances that you can openly share your wins and your struggles with because that goes a long way. And after that, it's about choosing a plan and working that plan. I mean, there are so many options out there and in terms of personal finance things Like in budgeting, you can do a 50 3020 budget or a zero based budget. When we're talking about debt, you can do the Debt Snowball the avalanche or a combination of the two, which is called the debt hybrid method. You can invest in index funds, single stocks, learn trading, all these different things, like there are all of these options, right? But the best option is the one that you're going to stick with long enough to master and then use to grow your network. And and when I say Master, I don't want you to feel like you have to master everything in one month, right? Like I don't want you to become a master budgeter, knock out 30% of your debt and become this investing guru in 90 days. Like that's not what I'm talking about here. There is huge value in getting incrementally better every single month, which is why it's so important that as you make progress and as you hit certain milestones that you reward yourself for that the real key and the real thing that I want you to focus on as we talk about financial wellness as a form of self care is to start living on less than you earn so that you have the margin to stack cash. And that's it. Because that what that's gonna do is create options for yourself. It's gonna give you the opportunity to leave a toxic work environment, it's going to give you the confidence and ability to walk away without worrying how you're going to pay a deposit and first month's rent if you leave this abusive relationship, there are just all of these options that taking care of your finances gives you so yeah, I do want to push for financial wellness, to be near the forefront of this self care movement because I think it's that important and it's that valuable to people. So take some time if you haven't yet to get clear on where you are today. Like I said, I'd start with tracking yourself. spending habits and getting clear on your net worth and your debt and all those sorts of things. Then you need to get clear on where you want to go what goals you want to accomplish. And after that, once you have your starting place and where you'd like to end up, then it's time to create new habits that will bridge the gap between the two. And that takes time. So remember to reward yourself along the way, but don't beat yourself up about the past either. Also, if you're looking for a sense of community, like I mentioned earlier, head over to winning to wealth comm slash teammates and join my private Facebook group. Also, if you found this episode to be helpful or insightful or anything like that, be sure to subscribe for more episodes and leave a five star review. But hey, that's all the time I have for this week. So until we talk again, keep racking up those wins one at a time. Take care
Sign up to receive email updates
Enter your name and email address below and I'll send you periodic updates about the podcast.
Share This Episode